Me about Me, to you.

After 15 years of marital life

and lifetime of brainwashing

by my family and by my

surrounding society which

imprinted the word Shame in

my brain right next to the

strongest thing I longed for in my heart.

I tried to ignore that longing.

But for how long you could ignore

the elephant in you room.

No mater which way you look

you will always catch a glimpse of him

in a corner of your eye.

I just got tired of ignoring myself.

Now I know better.

Now I’ll no longer feel the shame

that my longing is for Her not Him.

The cage of shame which held my heart captive

is broken and forgotten.

But to find that someone is still just desire.

That hunger for someone to share myself with,

the thirst to feel that love,

yet not been satisfied.

The heart is growing free and in size,

filling up with love for myself I found now

for being brave and taking steps

in MY direction.

And I do believe that the light which shines from my heart,

will show the way for that beloved ,

to me.

For now I satisfy my thirst in words.

By reading them and by putting them together

to express myself out to you.

Beautiful English words now,

as I fall in love with this language.

It is not my birth language but

I feel like I was born again through embracing it now.

I have love for words of others who sailed same rough

seas as me and found the ‘shore’.

They became my lighthouses on my journey.

So please be patient and forgiving all of you English born.

Forgive my toddlers stumbling through words.

I’m still learning how to get to more stable grounds

and make it flow.
ELLA

“I’m sorry, but…

“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be an emperor. That’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible; Jew, Gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone, and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men’s souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. The airplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women, and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me, I say, do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish. Soldiers! Don’t give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you, enslave you; who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men – machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don’t hate! Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers! Don’t fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it is written that the kingdom of God is within man, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy, let us use that power. Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfill that promise. They never will! Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfill that promise. Let us fight to free the world! To do away with national barriers! To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance! Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness. Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!” ― Charles Chaplin

” Good Morn…

” Good Morning!
The pure beauty about time
is that you cannot waste it
in advance.
The next year,the next day,
the next hour are lying ready
for you as perfect, as spoiled
as if you had never wasted
or misused a single moment
in all your life.
You can turn over a new
leaf every hour if you choose….
So why don’t you start the
next hour, next day with
new great attitude .”
Love you all. Good night. 🙂

No Fit.

So, I’m all wrong for you,

that is what you say.

totally opposite,

and heading different way.

My basic foundation ,

build from different mass.

No chance in Hell,

that this could work for us.

So, I’m far from perfect fit,

as you clearly state.

But, don’t worry about difference

I’ll walk your way with faith.

Yes, I’m made of other flavours,

but they’re perfect mix with yours.

and I truly believe,

that two of us just works.

So please don’t be skeptic,

and give me a chance.

Life is just so hectic,

could slip through our hands.

don’t give up on me,

do not kill the flare.

it still burning for you,

as long as you care.

Ella.

Miss you so…

Miss you,

As another day slowly changes

into yesterday,

And you remain silent in your

faraway,

My mind is mostly busy

with the daily flow,

But the heart still kind of

misses you though…..

The memory of your fingers

through my hair

slowly comes,

and deep within

a great hunger for your

closeness grows…

The distance between us slowly

melts away,

and I can again feel you, taste you

and have my way….

Ella.