I REMEMBER…

I remember…

I remember,
your fingers
slowly caressing my hair.
Traveling through,
and then lingered,
just lovely lost in there.

Your touch,
creating electric pulses,
they’re running
like a shooting stars,
sharp across my scalp.
Shivers ripple across my skin
and all the way to my deep within.

Oh, you could
so perfectly
sooth me into deep relaxation.
or
spark ardent desire for more.

And as I remember,
the longing for you
grows in me.
Longing for your closeness
is consuming me.

Oh,
if I could once again
feel your body next to me.
if I could once more
bath myself in your warm alluring aura.

Oh,
just to lay my head into your lap,
and be stroked by your warm hand.
Your fingers caressing the strands of my hair…
as you are so relaxing with your healing touch.

And,
as I truly enjoy your closeness,
as I dive into the ocean of you
our souls fully embrace each other
the energy between us flows united.

Oh, how I want you next to me.
Oh, how I need your loving touch.
Oh, how I crave your fingers on my skin.
Oh, how I seek the echoes from my deep within.

Oh, for such a pleasure,
I would be devoted to you.
Devoted like a little hopeless pet ,to you.

Would cherish our moments
like a precious gems.
would follow you blindly,
on your journey through life.

I LOVE YOU FOREVER.

ELLA.

United….

we hope.  Woman gives Man desire to create and Man creates to feed Womans desires.

One way.

One way.

That
I love you,
is my secret
because there is
just no other way.

How
much I love you,
I can’t tell you
as you’ve already
left my life
and sailed away.

My
love is childish,
you can  tell me.
And, if… so may be.
But for that I no longer
feel the shame.

I
just can’t
stop loving you.
even though…
I could blame you,
that to you
I was just a game.

You
are my obsession.
Guess its true,
as you claim.
Unhealthy maybe,
But I can’t help it.
And I am ready
to take that blame.

But,
I would argue,
that the greatness
we once shared,
Is just so hard
to be left in vain.

And,
as life flows through
into the unknown
I know that things
will later
fit the frame.

And
once I hope for,
to move on without you.
And to be free
of this domain.

Hope,
my love,
now so heavy
and full of pain,
fades away
slowly into invisible.
Like my tears
fade in the rain.
Ella.

Me about Me, to you.

After 15 years of marital life

and lifetime of brainwashing

by my family and by my

surrounding society which

imprinted the word Shame in

my brain right next to the

strongest thing I longed for in my heart.

I tried to ignore that longing.

But for how long you could ignore

the elephant in you room.

No mater which way you look

you will always catch a glimpse of him

in a corner of your eye.

I just got tired of ignoring myself.

Now I know better.

Now I’ll no longer feel the shame

that my longing is for Her not Him.

The cage of shame which held my heart captive

is broken and forgotten.

But to find that someone is still just desire.

That hunger for someone to share myself with,

the thirst to feel that love,

yet not been satisfied.

The heart is growing free and in size,

filling up with love for myself I found now

for being brave and taking steps

in MY direction.

And I do believe that the light which shines from my heart,

will show the way for that beloved ,

to me.

For now I satisfy my thirst in words.

By reading them and by putting them together

to express myself out to you.

Beautiful English words now,

as I fall in love with this language.

It is not my birth language but

I feel like I was born again through embracing it now.

I have love for words of others who sailed same rough

seas as me and found the ‘shore’.

They became my lighthouses on my journey.

So please be patient and forgiving all of you English born.

Forgive my toddlers stumbling through words.

I’m still learning how to get to more stable grounds

and make it flow.
ELLA